Contemporary Definitions

 

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Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either"

Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power…

Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.

Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile: – A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

Office: – A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

Yawn: – The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

Etc.:- A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Committee: – Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Experience: – The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb: – An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher: – A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat: – A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist: – A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet."

Pessimist: – A person who says that O is the last letter in RO, Instead 0f the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.

Miser: – A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Father: – A banker provided by nature.

Criminal: – A guy no different from the rest… except that he got caught.

Boss: – Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

Politician: – One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor: – A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.

Collected from Internet

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