Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool on the other.
Divorce: Future tense of marriage.
Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through “the minds of either"
Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.
Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water power…
Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage.
Classic: A book which people praise, but do not read.
Smile: – A curve that can set a lot of things straight.
Office: – A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.
Yawn: – The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.
Etc.:- A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.
Committee: – Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.
Experience: – The name men give to their mistakes.
Atom Bomb: – An invention to end all inventions.
Philosopher: – A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.
Diplomat: – A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.
Opportunist: – A person who starts taking a bath if he accidentally falls into a river.
Optimist: A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway “See I am not injured yet."
Pessimist: – A person who says that O is the last letter in RO, Instead 0f the first letter in word OPPORTUNITY.
Miser: – A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.
Father: – A banker provided by nature.
Criminal: – A guy no different from the rest… except that he got caught.
Boss: – Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.
Politician: – One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.
Doctor: – A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his bills.
Collected from Internet